Hey, I’m Gemma! I just finished my studies and jumped into the busy world of tech, which isn’t exciting, but pays well. I’m here to share something about my relationship with Ross, which started online.
I met Ross on a dating app, and at first, it was fun. We were hanging out, having a good time, and I thought he was really good-looking. But as we started dating, things got complicated.
The more I spent time with Ross, the more I noticed some issues—especially when it came to our physical connection. We had a good vibe, but in the bedroom? Not so much. It was frustrating and made me question my self-worth. With everything being so online and often fake these days, I was trying to figure out what attraction really means.
Being with Ross felt like a mix of compliments and criticisms. He’d say sweet things that made me feel attractive, but I quickly realized his affection was tied to my looks. The smallest imperfections would turn him off. Like if I had one tiny hair on my leg, or if my hair was in a messy bun, or even the cotton sleepwear I wore. Once we kissed passionately and he was turned off when my lipstick got messed up. In those many moments, he would either refuse my advances or stop mid-act, unable to perform. It was such a downer. I couldn’t help but wonder if his attraction was real or just based on this ideal image he had in his mind.
It felt like I was stuck in this cycle where I needed his validation to feel good about myself, which was exhausting.
I strongly hung onto this relationship. Even when I realised that I wasn’t in love with Ross. Even when I admitted to myself that we didn’t have much in common and that at times, I didn’t actually like Ross. Getting Ross to want to sleep with me, and finish the act became the all-consuming validation I needed in my life. This self-destructive behaviour could have gone on forever.
Then, I found something unexpected. While using his laptop, I accidentally accessed Ross’s password manager and found a bunch of subscriptions to porn sites. Talk about a wake-up call. Seeing that list hit me hard. It made me realize he was into these perfect, photoshopped images of women. It got me thinking about our relationship and my own self-image. I wasn’t the issue; it was Ross’s unrealistic expectations.
This moment made it clear that I needed to have an honest conversation about everything. I broke up with Ross that same weekend. The turning point for me was realizing that my worth wasn’t tied to how Ross saw me. I felt this weight lift as I recognized that self-worth comes from within, not from someone else’s opinion.
Now, I want to encourage anyone reading this to reflect on their own worth and not let societal standards mess with their self-image. Recognizing your value is essential for building healthy relationships and finding true happiness. The journey to self-acceptance is powerful, leading to real connections built on genuine self-love.
It’s wild to think about how we’re dealing with a whole generation of guys who have this skewed idea of what women are supposed to be. Thanks to social media and the internet, a lot of them are getting their perceptions shaped by perfect, edited images and unrealistic standards that just don’t exist in real life.
This idealized version of women often comes from places like porn and influencer culture, where everything is filtered and staged. Guys see these images and, without even realizing it, start to believe that’s the norm. It creates this massive disconnect when they encounter real women, who are messy, complex, and beautifully imperfect.
The pressure this puts on women is intense. We feel like we have to measure up to an impossible standard just to be accepted or desired. It’s exhausting and, honestly, pretty damaging.
I’m not fully healed from this experience. I still spend far too long in front of a mirror and spend a lot of money on beauty treatements. But for now, at least, I will recognise a Ross when I meet one, and run a mile!